By Josie Ridpath, LICSW | Inspired Bravery Counseling
To the mom who recently wrote on Reddit, “I don’t like being a mom,” I see you.
I know that feeling. Even as a therapist and a mom to almost three, I find myself doing the late-night Google scroll here and there. It can be deeply validating to know that you aren’t alone in feeling the intense, overwhelming challenges that come with raising humans. But what happens when that late-night scrolling ceases to be validating? What happens when it becomes a source of feeling more isolated, more broken, and trapped in the looping thought: “Will this feeling end?”
Hey there, I’m Josie Ridpath. I’m a licensed therapist trained in perinatal mental health, and I help career-driven Millennial moms who feel like they’ve lost their identity in parenting decrease the overwhelm so they can feel capable and whole in motherhood.
So often in my sessions with the moms I work with virtually in Minnesota, we talk about how they take in information and how it affects their mental health. For some moms, they can easily recognize the patterns that help or hurt them. For others, those patterns haven’t yet been considered as a major contribution to their current feelings of being burned out, exhausted, or just feeling like motherhood isn’t for them.
So, let’s ask the hard question: Why does motherhood seem to come “naturally” to some, while for others the transition to being a parent feels so foreign, out-of-body, and sometimes defeating?
As a perinatal therapist, I can tell you that it usually has nothing to do with how much you love your children, and everything to do with a missing piece of vocabulary: Matrescence.
Matrescence and Losing Identity in motherhood: Why High-Achievers Feel It Most
You’re likely familiar with the term adolescence, the awkward, hormonal, identity-shifting transition from childhood into adulthood. No one expects a teenager to navigate adolescence without a few bumps, emotional outbursts, and an identity crisis.
Yet, when a woman has a baby, society expects her to step into the role of "mother" seamlessly, perfectly, and instantly.
The psychological and physiological transition into motherhood is called matrescence, and using adolescence as an example can be a helpful parallel. Your body, your hormones, your relationship dynamics, and your brain chemistry are completely rewritten.
For a high-achieving, career-driven woman, this transition can feel less like a natural progression and more like a discouragment. In your professional life, you are a master of execution. You have autonomy. Your hard work yields predictable, tangible results. You know who you are when you walk into an office or log into a meeting.
Then, you step into motherhood, where the metrics are invisible, the feedback is a crying baby, and your time is no longer your own. When you look in the mirror, you don't recognize the woman looking back at you. When you type “I don’t like being a mom” into a search bar, what your brain is actually trying to process is: “I miss my freedom, I miss my competence, and I don't know how to survive the loss of my old self.”
The Double Standard: Why It Feels Like Everyone Else "Figured It Out"
When you are deep in the trenches of an identity crisis, social media acts like an accelerant to your anxiety. You scroll through Instagram or TikTok and see other moms gracefully managing toddler tantrums, sourdough starters, and corporate careers without a hair out of place.
Your brain automatically translates their curated highlight reel into a devastating performance review of your own life: “See? Everyone else figured it out. It comes naturally to them. Why am I the only one who can’t get it right?”
Let me give you a clinical reality check: Everyone is holding a mountain you cannot see. The mom who looks like she has it all together online might be struggling with severe postpartum depression, a strained marriage, or an overwhelming sense of loneliness. When your perfectionist mind convinces you that you are failing at motherhood, it traps you in isolation. It keeps you from seeking the support you actually need because you are too busy trying to perform the "perfect mom" role.
How to Stop Hating Motherhood and Reclaim Your Sense of Self
Reclaiming your sanity doesn't mean you have to love every single second of changing diapers, managing tantrums, or folding laundry. It means learning how to separate your love for your children from your frustration with the role of modern motherhood.
- Acknowledge the Grief: It is entirely okay, and clinically healthy, to grieve your old life. Missing your spontaneous weekends, your uninterrupted sleep, and your professional independence does not make you a bad mother. It makes you a human being navigating a massive life transition.
- Stop Looking for Validation on Forums: The late-night Reddit scroll might give you a temporary hit of "I'm not the only one," but it ultimately keeps your nervous system looped in a state of despair. Put the phone down and trade the infinite scroll for actual grounding.
- Carve Out Time for You: If your entire day is dictating by what everyone else needs, you will continue to feel like a ghost in your own life. You need pockets of time where you are not "Mom" or "Manager." Whether it’s a 20-minute solo drive, a dedicated hobby, or a therapy hour, you must practice taking up space for yourself.
Online Perinatal Therapy for Millennial Moms in Minnesota
Admitting that motherhood feels foreign or defeating is wrapped in an immense amount of maternal shame. It is the secret you don't tell your partner, your friends, or your mom groups. You often carry it alone, letting the burnout continue to snowball.
Why You Need Therapy for This (And Why You Can’t Just "Self-Help" Your Way Out)
When high-achieving women find themselves losing their identity, their default setting is to treat it like a professional deficiency. You buy another parenting book, download a time-management app, or resolve to "try harder" tomorrow.
But you cannot logic your way out of a dysregulated nervous system, and you cannot spreadsheet your way through grief.
True healing from perfectionist mom burnout requires more than generic life hacks. It requires deep clinical processing. In therapy, we don't just give you a checklist of things to do; we uncover why your worth became so tied to your performance in the first place, and we actively rewire how your brain responds to chaos, unpredictability, and guilt.
Why Work with Me?
As a licensed therapist trained in perinatal mental health, and as a driven-minded mom to almost three, I understand the pressure of trying to execute modern motherhood at a high level. I don't look at you with judgment when you admit that motherhood feels foreign, out-of-body, or defeating. I look at you with understanding and an ability to help you find more grounding underneath your feet.
My practice, Inspired Bravery Counseling, is built specifically for the driven, millennial woman. I combine maternal mental health expertise with practical, nervous-system-based tools so you can stop performing for everyone else and start living for yourself.
The Private-Pay Advantage
I choose to run a private-pay practice because it allows me to provide an entirely different caliber of care, one that matches the high standards you value in every other area of your life.
When you book a private-pay session with me, you are gaining:
- Absolute Autonomy & Privacy: Insurance companies require a mental health diagnosis to pay for care, and they get to dictate the length, frequency, and style of your sessions. By bypassing them, your care remains completely confidential, completely customized, and entirely between us. We treat you, not a diagnostic code.
- A Specialist, Not a Generalist: Because I am not beholden to insurance paperwork and massive caseloads, I invest my time deeply into advanced perinatal training and focused clinical prep for your specific sessions. You are paying for specialized, high-tier expertise.
- Immediate, Seamless Relief: No waiting lists, no bureaucratic hoops, and no fighting over coverage. You get a direct, streamlined pipeline to a premium telehealth experience that fits seamlessly into your busy calendar.
You invest heavily in your career, your childcare, your home, and your family's future. Investing in your own mental wellness is the foundation that holds all of those things together.
Find Your Voice and Your Identity Again
You don’t have to keep secretly scrolling Reddit in the dark, wondering if you are the only one who feels this way. You’ve spent years taking care of everyone else’s needs. It is time to let someone support you while you find your way back to yourself.
I offer private-pay online therapy in Minnesota to help you let go of the "perfect mom" expectation.
You don’t have to lose your entire self to be a good mom. Let's help you find your way back.